You know, where you take a slice here and take a slice there. You take the slices of me that fit into your box. Ya, no, sorry. I'm the whole enchilada and I only need/want people in my life that want all of me. Not just my kids or my great ideas or my encouraging nature. No more "make pies for this, but dont make them in my kitchen" or "hey whats the best way to do this?" and then I never hear from you again or "I'll have a relationship with you the way I want it". Negative, good buddy. That's not even Biblical. I know I may seem a little rough around the edges, but the rough parts of me are built for protection. Protection of my family, protection of my beliefs, protection of everyone and everything I love. Within my inner most inners is the softest heart. I will ALWAYS have the backs of those I love and stand up for what's right and be there in a jif if you need someone or bring you a pie or put on a pot of coffee and talk for hours or not get upset when you text at 1 am to tell me about your date. Nope, I just love and my heart is an open door. Unfortunately, in the last few years I have had some tough learning experiences and have learned that your heart can't always be a revolving doorway for people to waltz in and out as they choose. If you look deeply at many people you hold dear sometimes the qualities that can drive you crazy, when looked at in a different light are also the same qualities that make a person loveable, dependable, trustworthy, protective and so on. I have felt like a punching bag for quite a few and have done much praying and soul searching to make sure my heart and attitude are right and if they weren't, I never let my pride keep me from apologizing. I've asked for God to show me what areas of my life I need to mature and be working on. I have never been a saint, by ANY stretch of the imagination. I have made adjustments that others have requested of me and have yet to be afforded that same respect.
I am so thankful to have such a supportive, objective husband who can give it to me straight. If I need to be put in check, he gently does it, but if he sees an injustice he firmly encourages me, gives me advice and gives me a place to fall back on.
Some of the most amazing people in my life are those that we agree to disagree and our frienship transcends our differences. I can totally agree to disagree. What I'm not putting up with is a lack of respect from others, those that put me or others down or are constantly negative, those that look down their noses at others. We are equal in God's eyes and he loves us all and his grace abounds and you haven't walked a mile in their shoes. You can love someone and show a person compassion and not agree with their lifestyle or their choices.
I know this blog is kind of all over the place, but I have had a lot of these thoughts jumbled in my head for some time. If it doesn't make sense to you, that's ok, it makes sense to me and I think it's a piece of art!