Saturday, September 4, 2010


Hi God, it's me Priscilla. I couldn't wait to be here, Lord, right Here. Here, with an amazing husband and my amazing babies and our amazing life we are building together on you. You're the foundation. Thanks for that. I never lived in the moment as a kid, I just couldn't wait to grow and now a small part of me wants to go back. Go back to a time when I was oblivious to truly hard times and heartache and sadness. When the saddest thing I cried over was some dumb boy and thought it was the end of the world. Oh to only feel that degree of sadness over the sadnesses these last years have brought. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, Lord because you truly have answered my prayers tenfold. It's just these degrees of sadness that I would switch out if I could, God. The heart-broken-by-boy sadness versus the agony of death, disease, the breakdown of our family sadness. I really do trust you are in control and I know none of what happens is an accident or a surprise to you. Trying to be like you is a daily challenge and task. It boggles my mind how imperfect I am and yet you can see us as perfect because of the blood shed that covers our multitudes of sins. It's so cute when I see something in my kids that reminds me of me. I hope sometimes you see a glimmer of you in me, Jesus, in spite of my wretched sinful nature. I cry a lot, Lord. A lot. Not like uncontrollable burst into tears at inappropriate moment cries. More like my heart has a tug string attached to every human being I come in contact with and when they ache, I ache. I think your kinda like that, too, Lord. When we are suffering and hurting and going thru trials in our lives that string you've lassoed on our hearts tugs back at you and you go thru it with us and weep with us. It's such a comforting feeling. You are totally in control and you totally allow things and I just make sure I work daily at trusting you and the plan you have for us. And yet even though you are the almighty God that's holding the universe together, you have the time to weep with and comfort me, those I love and everyone else that calls on you. I don't know what others do without a Dad like you in their lives and all they have to do is ask. The peace you give is enough for me to believe. That peace that passes understanding amidst the pain and tears is enough to solidify You are the great I Am. The comfort you give in some of my loneliest moments is not a figment of my imagination or anything other than your presence and arms wrapped around me. You give me the courage to be bold and live out loud, sometimes too loud. I know my meekness is a work in progress. You already know all this, God. You knew every word I would type before time ever existed. But I wanted to write it anyway. I wanted to get it all our there as my own reminder and reference of where I am today and our journey together, Lord. You are the potter and I am the clay and I hope you will keep molding me. Take me for who I am right Here, today, and continue molding me. Thank you for keeping me and comforting me in all the sadnesses of today.

with Love, me.

No comments: