Monday, April 11, 2011
Raise the white flag.
My heart hurts so I decided to blog, not necessarily about my heart, but blog nonetheless. Might even cheer me up. I started using almond milk yesterday and I absolutley Love it. I was surprised at how much I liked it. I figure almond milk is one of the small adjustments I can make to my diet. I definitely want to start eating a little more healthy. It's not like we're the worst eaters, but a few switch ups can't hurt. So when we went to Sam's today I picked up ground turkey instead of ground beef which was actually .54 cents cheaper per pound. Kind of surprising. As far as exercise goes I was really good about doing the shred, but I got really burnt out on it and in the past my body has responded best to running. I did a short run this morning and then tonight we power walked with the kids in the stroller to Golden Spoon and back which is almost 4 miles round trip. Last night church was so moving. The worship, the message, the prayer time, it was indescribable. The Lord was definitely in our midst. Often times we talk about the hills and the valleys and as of right now in our life I don't consider us to be in a valley because when I look around I see so many hurting people for so many different reasons. I have dear friends literally fighting for their lives. Other people are fighting through major financial hurdles or other tough circumstances. I feel so very fortunate not to be dealing with those sorts of hardships right now. It's interesting how we are so different and the Lord sends circumstances that we just never saw coming just so we can learn to trust and rely on him even more. I'm beginning to see a pattern of a certain element in my life be stripped away, even more so in the last 6 months to a year. But I'm learning that He gives and he takes away. Before I would grip it so tight and scramble in chaos to hold on, but I've learned God's gonna do what God's gonna do and I'm learning to let go with dignity and grace and not act a fool and say "ok, God." He sees my heart crumbling, he sees every tear that falls and puts them in bottle. (psalm 56:8) I've also learned that me letting go allows God to work on me and even on others in ways that he wouldn't while I was all up in his grill. I have to tR.U.S.t (Rest Under Stress in between 2 crosses...thanks Monica) that the Lord is gonna handle it the way it needs to be handled. Sometimes it's pretty obvious why God allows things to happen and I get the message loud and clear. And sometimes I'm just dumbfounded. Really God, really? What is the purpose of that other than to crush my spirit? I am so pumped about what is going on at Lakeshore and in the lives of some family members and friends! God is moving some mighty ways. And FPU has been so awesome and such a blessing. With all these blessings are coming all these little attacks from the enemy. He knows just where to sucker punch to cause me to feel defeated, deflated and just plain crappy. Sometimes I just wanna raise the white flag, but that's not an option. I fight on. Romans 8:1-2 says "So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." That's encouraging, it helps me scrape myself up off the floor. Somedays I truly feel like a fish swimming up stream. So glad the Lord's mercies are new every morning. I'm ready to put this day in the books. And I am raising the white flag not to the enemy but to the Lord. I know, same story, you got this. I'm learning. You began a good work in me and one day you'll complete it. My job is to know you. I want to know you.